UPDATE APRIL 26TH. The NN neighbors switched out the shown flag with a LETS GO BRANDON flag. I shit you not. It was switched out two weeks ago. Last weekend, a windstorm ripped off the bottom attachment, leaving it flailing. They weren’t home, so that ripped flag whipped around, unreadable, for the whole day.
I laughed.
Anyway, they took what was left of it down the next day. Nothing has gone back up...yet, but something will.
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A neighbor war has been set to smolder on my block.
On one side, we have Neighbors North. NN is flying the desecrated flag, the black and white one with the red and blue stripe. They also have a TFG flag that was in the yard; apparently it blew away. Or something. They love TFG. When black people knock on the door, they pretend to not be home, and hide silently. The wife NN tried to talk to me about ‘those immigrants’. Once.
Their yard is the source of the crabgrass infestation that has attacked all our yards along the shared fence-line. They have two large dogs who have never once been taken on a walk, yet NN love to make snotty comments about us only having one dog because animals need company and good pet owners have two dogs. Large dogs also need exercise, lady, but what do I know? NN clean up the dog crap monthly in the winter and weekly in the summer, before they mow the weeds and mud trail left by the dogs. Their deck is lined with a cheap string of lights to show off their “patriotism” in the colors of pale red, turquoise and cream.
You know the type of people who leave their guns in unlocked cars? Yeah.
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Adjacent to NN is my East Neighbor. EN is a solid republican. She is a people pleaser who likes to chat, and downplays her conservatism when I am around. She voted for TFG and hates President Biden, although she “doesn’t agree with some of the things TFG said”. One of those. She’s a single person, middle aged and is often lonely. No partner nor children. We avoid talking politics to maintain a neighborly friendship. I do like her. She is generous and we have good conversations. I share produce with her. She’s a bit of a shut-in but when given the chance, will talk your ear off. I’m glad she is my neighbor.
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Thanks to a large set of chimes off the back deck of NN’s home, EN is having trouble sleeping on days with wind. On the prairie, that is almost every day. The chimes are ridiculously loud. I don’t enjoy them, yet as my bedroom window isn’t in the path of the sound, I can sleep easy the vast majority of nights. I wear headphones while I garden. So the chimes are but a very minor annoyance for me. The second set of chimes are in front of their front door, which is blocked by my garage so I don’t hear the front chimes much at all.
For EN, those chimes are legit debilitating. She can hear them with the window shut and fan running. She has a family member who stays with her while undergoing chemo in this city, and the family member can’t sleep. Nobody who visits her can. These chimes are LOUD and unfortunately, the sound travels directly at the side of EN’s house where the bedrooms are. There is no escape such as moving bedrooms.
And in summer time? When we want to celebrate the wished for warmth and open the windows? Not an option for EN. Very little enjoyment of premises. The chimes are huge, over a foot long and the sound is not pleasant.
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Last summer, EN had a conversation with the lady NN. NN said that she found the chimes “relaxing”, but that they would take care of it. No surprise that someone who celebrates the hardship of others would find the world’s most annoying sound “relaxing”.
Nothing happens. EN is getting more stressed. The Chimes come up in every over-the-fence conversation throughout fall. I get it, I can’t function sleep deprived and I am deeply familiar with the impact of unresolved issues on your mental health. I feel for her. I tell her to tell the NN’s that she too, voted for TFG and that just because EN and I are close doesn’t mean she is liberal. NN’s are beyond tribal, it might work. EN doesn’t want to have that convo with NN.
Winter passes. Nobody talks to anyone because it’s cold and we all hibernate.
Spring arrives and with it a text to me from EN. She talked to NN again. NN said the chimes are relaxing (again) and that she has no memory of telling EN that they would take care of the chimes. EN told NN that she is NOT going to go through another spring and summer with the windows shut and unable to sleep. NN said that at least the chimes aren’t an eyesore like other neighbors. Referring to my yard.
No response. No resolution.
Yesterday, NN was outside trying to chat up another neighbor while I was doing some spring clean-up of my horrible terrible yard. NN was trying to say something to me but with barking dogs… EN sees me out back and comes outside too. NNs scamper back inside their home, calling desperately for the untrained dogs to “come”.
EN tells me she has printed out the noise ordinance for the city and “should post it on their door”. I doubt she will. I send her a link to an cheap decibel meter, to give her some extra support if she ever calls in a complaint. EN doesn’t want to buy one.
It’s the next day. The winds are in the 20’s and 30’s. The chimes are singing their clangy song.
So here we are.
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Where do I stand?
NN are quite motivated to get under my skin as they like the liberal tears. Back when I had the book of face, their fb page was exactly as one would expect. The same tired memes. Additionally, I know they are far more annoyed by me than I am by them. So many negative comments about my garden, a 30 second video of which you can view on my sparsely appointed Youtube channel if you would like to see the “eyesore” and “tacky” garden. I offered them a pumpkin once and NN acted like I offered them an Obama sticker. They really HATE vegetables and comment about that often. You can see the surprise in their faces when they go out of their way to verbally make note of something they’ve done to be annoying, after weeks or months of not getting the reaction they hope for from me. Most times, I legit don’t give a shit. They will literally come outside just to ask me what I think about some heinous behavior or yard addition and I smile big and say I love it or that I don’t care.
They stay dehydrated.
Put your TFG flags on my side of the yard along my chain link fence, fly desecrated flags right off my deck, let the dogs bark, and let both sets of big ass chimes ring clear on this windy prairie. Make shitty comments about my garden sanctuary. It ain’t FOR you, dear. This is America, Jack; you can be as ignorant with your property as you wish, until another neighbor gets you.
This is the thing. The more I allow them to get away with without note from me, the more they are annoying everyone else. Why not let them show people who they are? Instead of me, bitching alone about that neighbor, other neighbors are complaining to me, about them. Granted, I’d love for them to move, but living in a red state, it’s possible they would be replaced with another middle aged beer bellied snowflake fascist and his friendless wife.
So I watch from the sidelines.
And am currently converting yet another few hundred square feet of lawn to garden.
My EYESORE last June, if curious. 30 seconds long.